About

Why?

Around 5 years ago. Forty-something, unfit, borderline obese (again) with a new high blood pressure diagnosis - I was in a bad place. The diagnosis and straight talking doctor gave me the shock I needed to change. Despite what happened next I thank that doctor to this day.

A good kick up the backside can be a stimulus for change. It wasn’t that simple though, the shock of the diagnosis brought on huge anxiety attacks, I am talking about full blown panic attacks, with a variety of physical symptoms which rapidly turned into panic disorder. It’s not the first time I’d experienced this, this had happened before and I had overcome it but this time it was worse.

And that’s why I have started writing this blog.

It’s now around 5 years on, I’m hitting 48 in a few months and I’ve completely changed my lifestyle, I’m much healthier and happier and doing things that I had never imagined I’d be doing but I still find myself pushing back the edges of panic all the time. The belief that I am about to drop dead is lurking just below the surface. I think it probably always will be, but I’m not going to let it win.

So I wanted to write this all down, and share what I have learned and discovered about this process change. Of how I directed the obsessive parts of me towards exercise and particularly running and how running is really helping me deal with this. I’m writing this as I don’t think accounts of experiences like this are easy to find, or at least I didn’t find any, but I think anxiety affects a lot of people in this way and I wanted to share and help if I can. Also writing this is a kind of therapy, maybe, I hope.

Is this for real?

Yes.

This is a true account of what I have been though, and am still going though. How I have dealt with anxiety, panic attacks and panic disorder. I’ve come a long way over the last few years and I have now achieved a level of well being and fitness that I didn’t think possible before.

Running is important for me. I love running and it’s helping me to love and live with myself, it’s my obsession and where all my otherwise self destructive energy gets focussed.

Why don’t you tell us who you are?

Good Question. At the root of all of this is a mental health issue. I am not ashamed of saying that at all, I’ll talk about that openly between my few friends and family, but I don’t believe that putting myself out there will do me any good, while putting my experiences out there might help me and maybe others.

We live at a time where there is a rising awareness of mental health issues. This is really positive and we’re being told that talking about your mental health is good, I agree it is but I don’t think social media and the internet is the best place to do that type of personal outreach. Or not for me at least. From what I see I don’t think that is always healthy, I see some people close to me using social media as a crutch to pour out their emotional state and share mental health memes without actually being able to engage and properly talk about it.

I want to share my experiences, they might help someone else. I also intend to enjoy and have some fun while re-processing this and writing it all down.

Maybe that will change one day, but not now.

Contact me if you like

I want to remain anonymous but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to engage.

Feel free to email at runner at runningwithanxiety dot com. I’m happy to talk.